If I was to write about myself...here's my story.

Friday, October 8, 2021

No comments

My name is Wella. Or as my coworkers call me- Row

 

A few years ago I got divorced. You can find out about my brief story here and here.

 

Yes. I was devastated. I was ashamed. Never thought it would happen to me. The works.

 

Why wouldn’t I? I was supposed to be happily married. With a son. Living this awesome dream military lifestyle. Add to the fact that it’s a long-held belief that Filipinos don’t divorce. There is no such thing. You need to stick it out no matter how bad or worse it gets.

 

Such a grand, sweet idea, isn’t it?

 

When everybody is rooting for you to have this oh-so-perfect marriage?

 

Nope, not me. Apparently, I was the one to defy ”every-body-else-around-me’s expectations” and it wasn’t a pretty scene.  Add to that the culture, tradition, religion, and every aspect of society’s expectations of you.

 

What do you have?

 

On the outside, it was a diamond of a disaster in the rocks. Shame on myself. Constantly telling myself look what you did. Yes, you did this and you gotta do everything you gotta do, bend over backward if you have to to make amends and do damage control, on yourself, your reputation, your husband, and everybody else you disappointed.

 

But underneath the scorching hot mess?

 

A realization.

 

 

A realization that I was hiding. All these years. I was hiding behind the fa├žade of a perfect life and relationship when I was torn inside because I was fucking miserable for losing my sense of self. If you’ve ever Ellet like that before, then you know exactly what I’m talking about.

 

How can it be that when you did everything right every fiber of your being still is not in agreement?

 

Well, the answer to that is simple. I was doing everything right yes, but it wasn’t according to my own terms- it was according to what’s expected of me. N short, it was someone else’s terms. Other people's terms.

 

It was a hard pill to swallow, the truth.

 

But it was my truth.

 

And so I decided, no more hiding. No more pretending. Because the moment you stopped worrying about what other people think of your life choices- that’s when you start truly living.

 

And that’s what I want for you.

 

 

Today:

 

I’m happy with someone. We are in a good place. I have my son with me, and I and my life partner/bestie have a beautiful daughter (and soon-to-be son!). Yes we are growing. On top of that, we have a huge extended family.

 

I now know what it's like to be truly content and at peace in my relationship and I couldn’t ask for more.

 

My promise to you:

 

You get caught up with all these life’s distractions that you forget to tend to yourself, and that’s ok. It happens. Life does that to you.

 

But it's not ok to continue putting yourself on the back burner. No-no.

 

So let's rediscover ourselves, shall we? Our purpose and passion so that we can live a life that's balanced, courageous and 100% REAL. 

 

I simply urge you to take this journey with me.

 

So you can make up your own rules and your own terms.

 

So you can finally let that person come out from its hiding place.

 

So that you can finally live a life that is true to yourself and no one else.

 

My Challenge to you today:

 

Give yourself permission to be yourself. No quirks. No add-ons. No reservations. Just plain and simple you.

 

Why? I truly believe that doing something truly unexpected for you is not just liberating, it also feels damn good.

 

And feeling damn good is not a luxury. It is a necessity, my dear.

 

 

Some more “about me”

 

  1. I “mildly” cuss, especially when I'm passionate about something (or upset, I can't help it). So if you’re the type who gets offended with occasional curse words, this blog is not for you.
  2. I don’t write about happy things and a happy mindset all the time. I write about the truth about myself, my past mistakes and lessons learned that I love sharing as ugly as it is.  It's what you deserve, believe me.
  3. I’m inspired by: Bronnie Wares The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
  4. I love semi-sweet dark chocolate, but sometimes I crave Hershey’s Kisses. If IM ever mad at you, those precious things will make me un-mad in seconds.
  5. I’m in love with my soulmate, my kids, and my extended kids and family. I guess I can say they were the silver lining waiting at the end of my rough patch
My story. 


XOXO,

Wella

 

Read More

Don't Abandon Yourself

Saturday, August 21, 2021

No comments




I came across this poem as one of my coworkers shared it on my workgroup thread. I don't normally pay attention to random, non-work-related posts on there unless it pertains to me. Turned out it did pertain to me, not in a direct but a relatable way. 


This poem started with the concept of self-care, one thing I preach incessantly but need to actually apply more in my life but wrapped up with the lesson of not giving up on yourself...no matter what.


What got me was the part when the author says you will die many times in your life only to recreate yourself. I look back and realized yes, the old me has died, or better yet, the old me has always been there buried underneath my pretentious self. But I'm back. Bolder. Better. Brewing another life, a boy, so to speak. And the old me has been there all this time. She was never lost.


And so every decision that felt like death to me a few years back because it started the end of something in my life, I now accept as a precious gift.



Don’t Abandon Yourself

— Jeannette Encinias

Not when you’re sick.

Not when you’re tired.

Not when you’ve lost

the thread

the thought

or the thing you thought

defined you.

You will die many times

in one life

and create yourself

anew.

This is natural.

This is a gift.

I’ve died a few times now

here in this world.

The person I was—

gone.

Throw that older skin into the water.

Give it to the sky.

Step into what wants to emerge now.

Nothing can hold you back

when you are willing

to be yourself





XOXO, 

Wella

Read More

I found a gem in Sudshare

Monday, June 14, 2021

No comments

    


     I don't normally write reviews for things I use, and I did not intend to convert my blog into a review site but hey, if this is where it goes eventually, then so be it. This is my world, so to speak. Wella's World. And I intend to share my world with my readers: what makes me tick, what aggravates me, what makes me smile, what I'm doing, my guilt and shame days, my hopes, my dreams to work from home as a nurse possibly doing some case management gig, or my other dream to be a real estate guru with a seven-figure blog...and my mistakes that haunt me to this day no matter how often I forgive myself (everyday, at the very least). So when I decided to do a little self-care to free myself a couple hours (so I can do more painful things like write this 15 page research paper for school), I thought why not have some laundry service?


    This isn't my idea to begin with, I was listening to Kate Northrup's audiobook Do Less where she teaches women, us, how to be more of who we are by doing less. Meaning, to simplify our lives. Now isn't that a grand idea? But to be honest, it's easier said than done. 

    

    OK so going back to, of course, my Sudshare experience. In one of her experiments she talked about delegating things so that you can do prioritize what's really important...something like that. For example, subscribe to a laundry service. And I thought to myself: That is exactly what I need! I effing hate doing laundry. My whole weekend is spent doing laundry. Even on weekdays I do laundry. And it would be nice to have someone do my laundry once and for all. But I also knew it was an expensive service.

    

    But then a long time ago I told myself that I will never tell myself I can't afford something. Even though I know having someone do your laundry seems like luxury, I asked myself: How can I afford it?

   

     Enter Sudshare. Thank you, Google. They charge $1/lb. It doesn't seem much but when you're on a tight budget feeding 4 hungry people 3x daily, that's something. OK, I will try. Maybe, we will just skip eating out for one or two nights (even though with our on-the-go lifestyle it's a necessity) and eat leftover and ramen noodles. 

   

     If you haven't heard of this wonderful service, Sudshare is like Uber or Doordash for laundry. And they are amazing. Well, at least the sudsters who have been doing my laundry so far. The first time, I didn't really know what to expect. I downloaded the app, scheduled pick-up. It took me about 3 minutes because I kept changing my mind between what detergent to use: Tide, Kirkland or hypoallergenic? I went with Tide/Kirkland because that's what we use at home. 

    

    Pick up is before 8 pm same day, but you will have a better estimate of the pick up time after a sudster pick up your job and notify you what time they will be there. They have up to 24 hours to wash your laundry and deliver it back to your home sweet home. Isn't it amazing? In their FAQ, they have until 8 pm the following day to return your nice, freshly washed and folded clothes. Sudshare authorizes $60 on your card once you place your order, but the final charge will be depending on how many lbs your clothes weigh after they have been washed, folded and placed in bags. They charge an extra $8 for blankets, so I usually just wash blankets and towels myself.

    

    The first time I used Sudshare, a sudster named Ashley picked up my laundry. She was communicative the whole time, and delivered our clothes back about the same time she picked up the day before. The second time I used the service, a sudster named Kattie even blew my mind. She picked up and delivered my clean laundry in only a few hours like 3, maybe 4 hours. I didn't expect my laundry to be back until the next day, to be honest.


Verdict:

    

    I think for $1/lb Sudshare is definitely worth it. It saves you so much time especially if you'r a busy mom, whether working somewhere, working at home or even stay at home. In fact, I would highly recommend the especially for stay at home moms. You already work 24/7 with not much rest and you deserve a good downtime where you are doing absolutely NOTHING unless it's watching some murder-for-hire Netflix Series. 

    

    I actually started budgeting laundry service (of course, compromising some luxuries like...IDK) once every payday so I can catch up on things. I still do the laundry regularly of course (and my partner too) but once or twice a month, we give ourselves a little break. 

    

    If you're still on edge, or at the very least curious about the service, go ahead and use my referral code so you can get $10 (10 lbs) worth of laundry done for free, and I will get $10 too so thank you for making my day! If you like it, good. If not, trust me, you don't ever have to have them do your laundry, again. Please remember you're also supporting your a small business out there, your sudster so make sure to tip them if you like their service :-)



Wella



P.S. And here's for before and after pics!


Read More

Love Notes to Bella

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

No comments


My dear Bella,

 

Today you turn two years old. Well that happened so fast didn’t it? With that said, I’m not gonna go about the usual cheesy narration parents do on Facebook like “So many years ago, a baby came to our lives, etc. etc. and our life was never the same again *hashtagheart, *hashtag crying face emoji” and all the other shenanigans that come with it.

 

No, my dear Bella. You know who you are, and you know who you are to us on a deep spiritual level. In fact, I believe you chose me. You chose me and your dad to be your parents. You wonderful little ball of delight full of knowing and personality actually chose me (broken, unsure, unmedicated and insecure me) to be your mom and your ever goofy clumsy dad to be of course, your dad. And you never, ever, ever fail to turn our gray skies blue.

 

For all of that, I am breathtakingly grateful. Who would’ve known that a positive pee test in my darkest, anxiety-inspired days would’ve saved me from my own damn self? You were such a blessing then, as you are to us now and continue to be. Your angry, grumpy mornings waking up with no pacifier in your mouth and sippy cup on hand makes my mornings super happy. Your OCD at bedtime cuz you gotta have your blanket, your ipad (that you fall right asleep to), your pacifier and of course, sippy cup makes for another gratitude-filled night.



 

I am looking forward to  many more years getting to know that little girl with the deepest look in her eyes who unbeknownst to her, sends everyone into a sort of  trance with just one look. Right from the start I knew you were something else and just like your older brother Marcus, I love it when you surprise the hell outta everybody with your wits. Because my dear, one thing I know for sure is that people will attempt to underestimate you. Put you down like they own you. Like they did with me, your dad, your brother, your family. But you are stronger and more capable than you think, NOT WHAT THEY THINK. And you are going to own it plus the world that is your playground.

 

And you got places to go I just know it. When the time is right, you will build your own path that is completely you. Not a replica of my path, nor your dad’s,  your brothers’, sister’s friends’ or whoever the hell expect shit from you to happen.

 

No  my dear beautiful  Bella Alessandra Smith. It will be your own signature path, not a watered down version of yourself.  




 

Happy Second!

 

XOXO,

 

Momma




 

Read More

The One Thing that will Make a Difference in Your Writing

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

No comments





Early this morning while trying to write my research paper and failing miserably due to the art of procrastination that I ever so perfected, I came across one of the little notes I wrote for myself when I would have those short, fleeting aha moments throughout the day. When I was in the middle of a blogging crisis and felt stuck wth no readers, no voice, and no reverberating message.


You see, my mind for some reason is an energizer bunny machine constantly churning out new ideas all day everyday even in my sleep before I can even catch up to them. For a year now I've used Google Keep and Penzu to write down my ideas- things I would love to write about, learn, explore or simply dream about. And then I go from there (or the next shiny new object).


So anyways, gong back to the original topic, this post is going to be short since I just wanna share with you this one lesson I’ve learned in my years of writing and it’s that you must write for yourself before anybody else.


Focus on yourself, your inner thoughts before you focus on others. Before you help others.


Why?


Because I believe you need that clarity and focus, to get to know yourself on a deeper level so you truly know the people you wanna serve.



By becoming self-aware, you can figure out who you truly wanna write to, and trust me you don't wanna write to everybody. You don't even wanna try.



And so it’s not selfish to make your writing about you.



It’s not selfish to write about how you truly feel even though the gurus tell you nobody gives a shit about your problems, people only care about theirs and so you should be speaking to them. But if you don't know who you truly are, and you're simply copying someone else's writing style, then how would you resonate to those readers? How would you set yourself apart from everyone else if not for that weird, quirky or sometimes annoying personality of yours?


(Trust me, it's ok to be annoying. In fact, I've followed people on social media and subscribed to their emails just because I find them annoying- whether it's their voice, message or just the way they look and they never fail to grow in me)


The truth is, if you are truly writing from the heart, then the people who would resonate will and the rest...oh well they will move on and prolly block you on social media. And that is exactly what you want.


I’m not talking about writing and transforming yourself into a content mill. That shit’s exhausting. I’m talking about writing as a personal journey towards self discovery. Writing that will move you to your deepest chasms.



That’s the kind of writing that will create possibilities and make changes in your life. The kind you’d want to reflect the person you are and represent you in all your form and glory. The kind you want to grow from. The kind that will make everyone around you a believer. The kind I want for you.


So go right ahead and start writing, and if you are a writer/blogger, take time to hone your voice and message. It's ok to not jump on share threads for the sake of over inflating your blog traffic and social media followers. Although kudos to you, if you actually can make time for that. I honestly felt like a hamster on wheel reciprocating shares and likes and comments. That in and of itself is a full time job.


Good luck to you and if you ever need advise on how to start a blog, you can always contact me. My advise is free but I may have some recommendations that I'm an affiliate for :-)


XOXO,

Wella










Read More