We all have it. Those days when you feel nothing ever goes right. Or you feel stuck with the choices you made from the past. You regret seeing how your life has unfolded much less looking at yourself in the mirror. You have questions. Am I even on the right path? Did I really just do that?
You then decided to get up but hated yourself for doing so.
We all have days when we feel like nothing is going right and we're not on the right path, and it's normal to question ourselves and our choices. Sure, you might regret what you've done or wondered if you're making the right decisions. But the truth is that we all have these moments, and there's no one way to get through them.
I’ve been there before. I’m still there sometimes. For some people, it takes a combination of medication and therapy. For others, it may be retreating from the world and having much-needed respite. It just depends on how you are wired mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Your resilience may even play a part.
In my case, I added some good old affirmations on top of my (already in place) mental health treatment. It did help me get rooted in something that I probably did not believe of myself in the past and I didn’t know at the time it was exactly what I needed. I guess our brain is wired for some magical scientific reason to eventually believe what you keep telling yourself over and over again. At that moment, I chose to adopt a different set of beliefs rather than the negative perceptions I have of myself whether or not they are true.
This is why I want to share these affirmations with you, in hopes that one statement resonates and at the very least, helps you get through today.
I am exactly where I'm meant to be.
As with self-doubt, oftentimes you find yourself wondering if you’re on the right track. You got too many things going on, too many distractions, too many goals...too many failures. Heartaches. Stress. You feel stuck and wonder: is this really what you are meant to do and feel?
There’s a time for self-reflection as much as acceptance and sometimes as hard as it is, you just gotta believe that you are in that place and situation that you need to be. You are here because of divine intervention and guided even if you don't see the big picture just yet. Trust that this unpleasant event in your life no matter how much you try to avoid is no more than a gift containing a life lesson you have yet to learn.
The key to learning and discovering that lesson waiting patiently for you to realize is to go through that mess knowing that nothing in this world is permanent and as with every situation, there is always a silver lining to it. I never knew my silver lining until 2 years after my divorce, when my little girl was born. And I began to understand and thanked my instinct for choosing to be true to myself. It was an aha moment for me. This is why I needed that divorce. Why I had to move on and go against the grain. Why I gotta sacrifice my reputation over living my true self. Chose judgment towards yourself. Say goodbye to the Filipino culture and tradition of “no divorce”.
She was the reason. So that I get to hold her 2 years later. Did I know it back then? Absolutely not. But I trusted my choices regardless of what everybody else around me said. She was my gift and lesson all at once.
I forgive myself and I'm at peace with what is, what was and what would be.
This is one of the harder "mantras" and lessons to internalize simply because forgiving yourself can be a daunting task. But acceptance of what happened is important for you to move forward.
Maya Angelou couldn't have said it better when she said .." Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it”.
You can't keep beating yourself up, punishing yourself, and blaming yourself for what bad things happen in your life. These events are consequences of your actions, of course, but think about the big picture. What, if anything is it trying to show you? (At some point, you gotta learn to love yourself again).
I'm not saying stop taking responsibility for your actions. It's great to take responsibility but what's even better is understanding your human nature, that you make mistakes and poor choices that may cause havoc every now and then but from these mistakes, are lessons and the desire to be better with your life. This brings me to the third mantra...
I am getting better every day, in every way.
For a long time, I thought my life was just getting worse. Family, relationships, financial responsibilities.
Until I learned that once you decide to make a change for yourself and live your truth...my dear life becomes messy as it is. But you need that mess. In essence, you're simply coming out of your comfort zone, something that probably nobody ever expected you to do and that's why they couldn't handle it.
Life is not meant for you to remain in one place, situation, state, or emotion. You may get hurt but then move past it.
You accept responsibility, turn around and then make things right when you make a mistake. And as always, you get better. Difficult situations do not intend to break you. They’re not there to make you bitter, but better. Believe that every day is a gift, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do better than the day before.
Keep moving towards your dreams, goals, and aspirations. Continue to become a better, truer version of yourself.
I have a purpose in life.
I know it sounds cliché but you do have a purpose and it’s your job to find it. It doesn’t have to be clear nor perfect. You're so much bigger, have so much more potential than what you're currently led to believe by your loved ones, friends, or even yourself. And lastly...
I am enough.
When I got divorced I was all kinds of mess. Because my choices didn’t go right with people I've been trying to please for years, I was never good enough at that point.
- I wasn't good enough for a job.
- I wasn't good enough to be a mom.
- I wasn't good enough to be in a relationship.
All these I realize are lies that I tell myself. So, I started telling myself "I am enough" even though deep inside I thought it was pure bs. But then one day I started believing it. The mantra actually empowered me. And I started believing in myself again.
When life gets too hard, it can be difficult to stay positive. It may seem like there are no good days ahead, or that your life is just "one big dark tunnel." You may find yourself feeling isolated.
But you don’t need anybody else's approval of your choices. You don’t need to look outside of yourself for answers. What you need is to trust that what you're looking for is already inside of you. It's just a matter of asking yourself the right question and believing that you, my friend, are enough as you are.
XOXO,
Wella
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