Monday, January 28, 2019

I turned 36 two weeks ago...it was uneventful but otherwise memorable. It was quiet and peaceful, spent with only the people that truly cared about me and vice versa. Mr. S bought a huge chocolate cake from Costco, I was actually quite impressed (with him and the quality of the cake, knowing it's store-bought not customized). Well, I was impressed with him, kind of made me realize I'm on the right path as far as relationship goes. We've been together for more than a year now, known each other for longer than that. Fell for him at a time when I wasn't expecting to feel any type of way towards him. I'm still surprised how far we've come when I look back at our story.

As always, being 36 does not feel any less than being 18, which happens to be half the age. Except for the occasional fatigue and body pain, I think physically I'm doing good. Mind you, I pushed a five pound baby out of my maternally advanced body two weeks before my birthday. I'm actually proud of myself for that.

the best gift of being 36? Two years ago I was in a very dark place as I was trying to roll with the changes in my life and figure out my next move. I once read in O magazine, that the moment you decided to make a change in your life that's when it all starts to become messy. Oh, it was more than messy. But here I am, two years later holding the one good thing that came out of all the mess. Makes me realize all the things good and bad that I went through somehow led me to her. That somehow she was just waiting on me to take the steps, one day at a time. I call her my silver lining. We all have them.  It's a daily reminder that it's worth forgiving ourselves and we should do it more often.

Bella :-)

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Hi there, me.

Sunday, January 6, 2019

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There’s so much that happened, so many truths that unfolded, so many lessons learned, so many hurt that needed overcoming and you’re here. Simply. Who would’ve thought?

It’s not over yet, though. There’s still endeavors to face as you indulge yourself in this so called second chance in life and love to make things right for yourself  and your little ones.

Life is crazy. It’s one hell of a 35 almost 36 yr journey. I thought I had it all figured out. A great career. A picture perfect family- that serves both as inspiration and envy to the onlookers. Ugh the pressure of keeping up with perfection. But then life has other plans. And you my dear,  had to make choices. Difficult, nerve racking, not so great choices that led to a whole lot of mess including lost of self respect, guilt, shame, family members chastising you, friends who don’t understand you, and so on so forth. But you made the choice, and here you are texting on your phone while listening to Overstreet’s Hold On from Pandora, all while breastfeeding your one week old beauty.

And here you are, two years later after you stopped writing profoundly about your thoughts,  because you were scared of your own pieces getting used against you. In other words, you didn’t want any drama and with that came hiding the truth from the world- your world.

It’s not gonna be easy, but really you’re just trying to get back to you again for whatever that means and whatever it will cost you because sometime ago you promised to be true to yourself and not have it any other way.

So I commend you. No more writing about superficial things like gut health, or the latest green recipe. You’re here being yourself and being human for the first time in a long time. Isn’t that something?

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