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Some late night thoughts...

Thursday, April 30, 2020

It's 12:34 am as I write this and yes, I'm well awake.

Idk why, I'm just not tired. So I decided to do what I most love to do when everybody's off to their dreamland...and that's writing.

I've been in love with this quiet activity for a long time now.

In my mind I must've romanticized writing so much and pictured myself many times sitting in the balcony,  with a laptop, a cup of coffee and a cigarette on my table. I might have been half naked or not.

Remember Allie of The Notebook wrapped in a blanket and painting one morning after a night of some heavy, passionate smashing?  Yep...that scene right there except it's the 2020's and no, there’s no heavy, out of this world smashing at the moment.

So, thought for the night.

20 years ago, somebody killed my dream when I was told that there's no money in writing. Back then I was thinking about majoring in Literature I think because it intrigued me and I thought I would do good. But then my dream died that early morning when a well-meaning person gave me a super painful reality check: "The only way you can make money off of writing is if you already know somebody. And we don't know anybody".

 So I moved on with a sort of viable major in college but I never stopped writing on the side. I knew someday I would bring my writing back to life.

The truth is, it never died.

I wrote, entertained, confused and pissed the hell outta lot of people all these years.

Trust me, I've been in odds with  a handful of them- from a high school English teacher who tries too damn hard to be cool and please the "elite clique" in my class  to my now ex-husband. My writing never singled out anybody.

But why am I so at peace  with all these?

It's simple. I'm not a popular person. I have 0 followers in this blog. Chances are the people that would be affected in one way or another with my heartfelt content would NEVER read my stuff.

 I had my own personal blog for years with few visitors and I was content with that. From time to time, a fiend would come across it, give a couple of nice complements and move on. Other times, I’m being told I can’t write for shit.

And what I learned from all those years of personal blogging is that it’s not about them. I write to not please other people (struggled with that). I write for myself. So I can get what’s on my mind out either on paper, journal or blog. I call it free writing.

If I always have to worry about what other people would think about me or the kind of person I am through my writing, then I guess I’m not truly being real and freeing my soul.

So there. My late night thoughts. I’m curious to know, have you ever struggled with being true to your craft- whether it’s writing, singing, pole dancing, gardening or whatever it is you love to do? I’d love to know your thoughts.

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